How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You made out with two different species that night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You need a sexual gate keeper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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