PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
