i just wanna soil my oats bro
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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