Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
