I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
