i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
