What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
