She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
