he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
