was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
