OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
