If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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