i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
