HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
