I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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