Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
