How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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