Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
