I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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