are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
