at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
