He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
