so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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