remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
