So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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