When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
