I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
