Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
