Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
