If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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