You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
