i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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