i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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