hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
