I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
