Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
