i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
