We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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