We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
