My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
