eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
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