If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
