I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
