Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
