Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am midnight drunk by noon
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
