I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
