so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
