saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
