I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
