apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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