I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize