A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
