if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
