You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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