I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
