why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
