Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
