I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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