call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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