How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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