I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
