"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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