I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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