Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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