I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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