I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
