Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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