last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
