i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
