Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
