it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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