let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
