I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
