Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
