oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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