I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i think my cat just said my name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
