that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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