at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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