Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
