Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
